Broken
by JD-HIV
Summary: Rated R just to be safe... I don't own any of the charicters and... well you know the rest... Spike is forced to kill Buffy in hopes that his child will survive!
1. Bye Bye Baby

_**Broken**_

_I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh,_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away,_

_I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well, _

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain,_

_Cause I'm broken when I'm open and I don't feel like I am strong enough,_

_Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone away._

Spike sat in the underground cave, chained to the wall and watching as the master vampire known as Methalius, walked slowly towards the love of his life, fear marked in his eyes.

"Bring him to me!" Methalius said to one of his henchmen. One of the gigantic brutes unhooked Spike from the wall, fastening his arms behind him and brought him to the elder vampire. Methalius grabbed Spike and ushered him towards Buffy. "Drink." He said. Spike shook his head violently. "Drink and I shall let you and your little half breed brat go." Spike looked over at his daughter who was sitting in the corner. She wasn't tied up or gagged; there was no point to. Its not like she could escape on her own anyway, and screaming would do little to nothing in effect. So she just sat the quietly watching her daddy's every move. Spike didn't know what to do. He couldn't just bite Buffy in front of his own daughter, she would never forgive him. But if he didn't, this vampire would surly kill all of them.

"Just do it Spike." Buffy said. "I have well out lived my expiry date." Buffy looked at him. "If you don't then he will surly kill Trinity and you. Her life is more important than mine."

"But…"

"No 'buts' Spike, If I die, I'd rather it be by your hands and not his." She said. Spike nodded. "Can I see Trin first?" She asked Methalius. Methalius nodded and motioned for the girl to go to her. Trinity jumped up and ran to her mother. "Now Trinity. I want you to listen to me, and listen to me good ok." Trinity nodded. "I'm going to have to go now ok?" Trinity's eyebrows knitted together that reminded Buffy of Spikes confused look.

"Will I ever see you again mommy?" The little four year old asked, tears streaming down her face. Buffy shook her head.

"Not for a very long time, but maybe one day." Trinity hugged her mum as hard as she could. "Now, Trinity, I want you to do me one last favor. I want you to go and sit where you where and close your eyes. And no matter what happens. I don't want you to blame your father for any of this. This was entirely my choice. Ok?" Trinity nodded.

"I love you mommy." Trinity asked, as one of the henchmen picked her up and sat her in the corner and obediently closed her eyes tightly shut. Spike looked at Buffy, tears running down his face.

"Buffy no," He said, "I – I can't…" Buffy looked at him.

" Spike, I'll be ok, trust me." Spike nodded and hugged her as best he could with his hands bound behind him. He then brought his chin off her shoulder and bit into her neck and drank. He hated the taste of her blood in his mouth. If this had happened eight years ago, he would probably be relishing in it. But right now, he wanted to gag. He heard Buffy's heart beat slow and stop and felt her body go limp against his.

"Good." Methalius said. "Now bring the brat to me!" He said to one of his henchmen.

"WHAT!?" Spike asked. "We had a deal!"

"Vampire!" Methalius said in a 'Duh' tone. "Guess you forgot what that's like huh?" He grabbed the little girl who had started screaming for her daddy and tied her to the wall next to her dead mother. He then slapped her across the face. "Will you stop your bellowing." He said. The little girl stopped immediately and looked at her daddy who was being dragged away.

"Trinity No!" The last thing he heard as he was thrown from the building, was his only child's dying screams.

_The worst is over now, and we can breath again, _

_I wanna hold you high - you steal my pain away_

_There's so much to learn and no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain _

_Cause I'm broken when I'm open and I don't feel like I am strong enough,_

_Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone away._

_You've gone away…_

You don't feel me, anymore… 


	2. Into the Dawn

A/N: I want to thank StrawberrieGashes for the great idea… I knew I wanted to turn it into something more, I just wasn't sure as to how… so… Thanks! And I hope you enjoy this next part.

Broken II

Spike sat in the corner of his crypt, tears running down his face. In only a matter of moments he had lost the two, and only, important things in his life. One by his own hands, the other by his most hated enemy. He couldn't believe he had trusted Methalius. He should have known. If he had only been a little bit stronger. I little bit faster. He could have saved them. But now there was nothing he could do. He could hear her screams in his head. They haunted him in his dreams. He should have done something more. He sniffed silently and wiped the tears from his face, only to be replaced by more. He picked up a bottle of vodka and took a big gulp. He didn't care if it burned. He relished in it. All of a sudden there was a knock at his door and he jumped, startled. He decided just to ignore it and took another gulp of the alcohol. He laughed inwardly as he remembered the time that Buffy had come to him so he could play bartender. He missed the look on her face every time she took a shot. The knock came again. Spike sighed. It obviously wasn't going to go away. He got up slowly, letting the now empty bottle fall to the floor and roll away. He walked up to the door and opened it, revealing Dawn, a grave expression on her face.

"Spike?" She asked. Spike looked at her. "Can I come in?" He moved out of the way for her, not saying a word. She went into his crypt silently and sat on the sarcophagus. "How are you doing?" Spike just looked at her. He didn't look good. It had only been a week since he had reluctantly murdered Buffy and heard his child die. He looked like he hadn't slept at all since then. "Ok that was a stupid question." She knew that Buffy and Trinity where his life, and now that they where gone… Well in all honesty she was a little surprised he hasn't tried to kill himself. Dawn knew that it wasn't Spike's fault. He wouldn't have done that willingly. When he had come back and told them, Xander looked like he was ready to kill him. But when he saw the look on Spike's face, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.

"I can't live like this Dawn." Dawn looked at him. "Every day. I can hear her screaming. Taste her mother's blood. I can't get rid of it."

"Oh Spike." Dawn said walking up to him and hugging him. "It'll be ok."

"No it won't. I know only a few years out of almost two hundred seems like only a pinprick in the time line, but when I was with Buffy, its like my life stopped and it seemed a whole lot longer. When first saw Buffy dancing at the Bronze that first night, I knew. I knew she was going to give my life meaning. When I was a human that was all I wanted. To have a purpose. That's all I wanted, ever. And when I married Buffy, and we had Trinity, by some miracle, I had a purpose. But now that there gone, why am I here? What is my purpose?" Dawn didn't know what to say. She just looked down sadly, tears now streaming down her face. Spike's legs seemed like they could no longer hold up his weight and he fell onto the ground hugging his knees. The whole time he was talking, he was crying, he couldn't stop it. Dawn picked up her backpack that was beside her.

"I don't know what to do Spike?" She said, "I know it won't help with your loss, but I do still love you like a brother." Spike smiled sadly.

"Thank you nibblet." He said. He got up and sat in his chair, thinking about all the good times he had with Buffy, as Dawn headed out the door to go to school.

TBC… Plz R&R… hope you enjoyed.


	3. In my daughters eyes

Don't own any of the characters… except Trinity….

In My Daughters Eyes

Spike sat in his chair nursing a glass of brandy in his hand. The talk with Dawn had helped a little, but not much. It was nice to know that there was someone who cared about him and his feelings. He sighed and looked over at the radio on the table next to him. He flicked it on and slouched farther into the chair. Last night hadn't gone so well, just like the other night. He dreamed of her again. Spike looked over at the radio as the song Forsaken ended and listened to the DJ. speak.

"Alright that was 'Forsaken', up next we have 'In my Daughters Eyes'" Spike leaned back his head on the back of the chair as the song started.

_'In my daughters eyes, I am a hero, I am strong and wise, and I know no fear, but the truth is plane to see, she was sent to rescue me, I see who I wanna be, in my daughters eyes, In my daughters eyes, everyone is equal, darkness turns to light, and the world is at peace, this miracle God gave to me, gives me strength when I'm weak, I find reason to believe in my daughters eyes, and when she wraps her hand around my finger it burns a smile in my heart, everything becomes a little clearer, I realize what life is all about, its hangen on when your heart has had enough, its given more, when you feel like givin up, I've seen the light, its in my daughters eyes, In my daughters eyes, I can see the future, a reflection of who I am and what will be, and though she'll grow and some day leave, maybe raise a family, when I'm gone, I hope you'll see, how happy she made me, for I'll be there, in me daughters eyes.' _

Fresh tears where running down his face as the song ended. He looked over at the radio again and turned it off. He didn't want to listen to it anymore. That song couldn't be farther from the truth. He no longer could see the light. Not in his daughters eyes, not anywhere. She won't grow, or raise a family. And he would no longer be there in his daughter's eyes. Once he was gone, that was it. Having Trinity in itself was a miracle. There was no way he could, or would, have another child. He looked over at the corner of his crypt to where her old play pen from when she was a baby, was folded up and leaning against the wall. She didn't stay here often, only when she wanted to. He looked away from the playpen only to see the pictures of him and buffy and her, that she had drawn hanging on the fridge. He shook his head. He couldn't take this anymore. He stood up and walked out of the door. He walked to the hill that overlooked Sunny Dale and sat down. He sat there for a few hours, every once in a while glancing at his watch. He knew what he was doing. He couldn't stand the pain anymore. He new Methalius had planned this, and he wanted to get revenge on the basterd before he left, but he wasn't strong enough to face him by himself.

"I can help you." Spike spun around as he stood up and came face to face with a pare of brown slightly glazed over eyes. Spike looked away and sat down again.

"Why would I want you to help me?" Spike asked, as Angel sat down beside him.

"You don't have to be in this alone." He said, placing his hand on spike's leg in reassurance. Spike looked down at his hand and picked it up as if it were diseased and put it back in Angel's lap. "Sorry, that was supposed to be reassuring, not suggestive." Spike smiled slightly. Angel nodded as if he had succeeded in doing something. Angel looked at Spike and saw that he wasn't getting anywhere. "Well, if you change your mind, I'll be at my old place." Angel stood up and started walking away. The next thing Spike new Angel was sitting on the ground again, rubbing his head.

"Are you ok?" Spike asked. Angel looked at Spike.

"Well, I bruised my pride, and I'm pretty sure I fractured my dignity!" Spike laughed a bit. "But I can see my funny bones still in tact." Spike shook his head.

"What did you have in mind to help me, oh "funny" one?"

"Well, I know a few people who might help us kill Methalius." Spike thought about it before nodding.

"Ok." Angel smiled. "Come on then."

"Wait, why are you helping me?" Angel thought about it a moment.

"I have to, and want to. Its one of those vampire lore rule things. A sire must always help his childe in times of need." Spike nodded in understanding.

"Then why didn't you help me when I got this chip in my head, I got into a lot of trouble after that." Angel laughed.

"Because the chip was what you needed." He said. "Think about it, you were destined to get that thing put in your head. If you didn't you never would have fallen in love with Buffy, and you never would have had Trinity."

"I think that would have been better." Spike said. Angel shook his head.

"Come on." Spike stuck his hands in his pockets as Angel put his arm around his shoulder. "Your not wearing your jacket!" He said. Spike looked down at his navy blue dress shirt.

"I haven't worn it in a long time." He said. "Not since before Trinity was born." Spike shook his head. "Where are we going?"

"L.A." Spike looked at him, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "I own a law firm that can help us locate Methalius. He's not in Sunny Dale anymore." Spike laughed. "What?"

"Nothing, Quick to the Angel Mobile away!" He said, striking a super man pose. Angel laughed and shook his head and lead Spike in the opposite direction of where Spike was pointing. "Hold on, Hold on, To the Angel mobile, away!" He said, pointing in the direction Angel had directed him.

Three hours later they entered Wolfram and Hart and entered Angels office. Spike walked in and immediately started staring at Lorne.

"What?" Lorne asked, "is there something in my teeth?" Spike looked over at Angel.

"What is he? A fashion victim demon?" Angel tried not to laugh, but wasn't really succeeding.

"He's a singing demon. Wesley have you located Methalius yet?" Wesley looked up from his papers.

"Yes I have. He's in Winnipeg." Angel and Spike looked at him confused. "Canada!" Spike and Angel both silently said Oh and looked at each other.

"So what do we do now?" Spike asked Angel.

"We go to Winnipeg!" Angel said.

Four hours later Angel and Spike got off of Angels private jet and walked onto Portage Ave.

"So where do we start." Spike asked, looking at Angel. Angel thought a moment.

"Lets try the St. James cemetery." Angel said. "Maybe we could get some information." They walked around the small cemetery for about an hour but still had found nothing. All of a sudden a vampire jumped at them. Angel reacted quickly and slammed the vampire into a gravestone pinning her down.

"Where can I find Methalius?" Angel asked, holding a stake to her back.

"He's in Transcona, his lair is underground. It ranges from Kildonan Place to TCI." Angel pushed the stake harder against her.

"Where's the entrance."

"The door in the basement of TCI. Next to the stairs. It will lead you into the tunnels."

"Thank you!" Angel said, as he slammed the stake into her back, resulting in her turning into a pile of ashes that disappeared in the snow." Spike looked at him as if he were stupid.

"You should have asked her where and what TCI is."

"Its Transcona Collegiate Institute. Its a high school." He said, "We'll have to get on a bus."

"What?" Spike said. "I am not getting on a--" Spike's sentence was cut of as Angel dragged him onto a bus that was just pulling up at the stop.

Spike was uncomfortable on the bus. There was on old lady that kept on giving him suggestive glances. Before long they got off and walked the block to TCI. They entered the school and went down the set of stairs to the basement. Angel looked next to the stairs, and sure enough there was a green door. Angel opened the door and walked in. They walked threw the tunnels for a few moments before coming to a room.

"Ah, Angel. With Wolfram and Harts reputation I was expecting something a little more impressive!" Angel and Spike turned around and looked at Methalius.

"Methalius! Your going to pay for killing my wife and daughter!" Methalius laughed.

"You killed your wife, remember?" He said, a smug smile plastered on his face. "And you no longer have to worry about that insignificant half breeded brat." Spike looked at him, fury in his expression. Spike lunged at Methalius, Angel didn't stop him. Spike and Methalius fought for what seemed like hours.

"Rule number one Spike, never take on an opponent stronger than you!" Spike smiled.

"Rule number two," Spike said, "Always keep your eyes on both opponents!" Methalious' eyes widened when he realized his fatal mistake. Angel had snuck up behind him and rammed the stake into his heart. "Not so tuff when you don't got your minions to help you huh?" Spike laughed. "That for my daughter." He said spitting on Methalius' ashes.

"Mmmpphm." Spike heard someone struggling behind a door off to his left. He walked over to the door and tried to open it. It was locked. He then kicked it down. Angel saw Spike kick down the door and freeze. Angel walked up behind Spike and knew why he wasn't moving. Spike fell to his knees and looked at the figure in front of him. He pulled the gag down from her mouth and stared at her in shock. Angel untied her bonds and stood back.

"Daddy!" Trinity said, throwing herself at her father. "Daddy, the bad man took you away from me, but I wasn't scared. I was at first, but I was brave." Spike looked at the cuts that marred her face and body. They wouldn't scar, he knew that. They had already started to heal. All except one. She had a sideways Y shaped cut over her left eye. It was defenatly going to scar. It was deeper than the others, and her healing abilities weren't as good as his. "Daddy why aren't you talking?"

"He's just in shock." Trinity turned around and looked at Angel.

"Who's that?" She asked looking back at Spike.

"That's -- That's your Uncle Angel." Angel flinched in surprise. Trinity walked up to Angel and gave him a hug as if she had known him all her life. Spike was still staring at her in disbelief. Trinity let go of Uncle Angel and went back to Spike and yawned. "Daddy, You'd be proud of me, I didn't scream once. Well I did once when they took you away from me, but --" Trinity stopped when she saw the tears running down his face. He shook his head.

"This isn't real." He said.

"What?" Trinity and Angel asked at the same time.

"This isn't real, I'm dreaming again." Trinity looked at him, then down at his hand before pinching him. "Ow, what was that for?"

"To prove your not dreaming daddy! That's what I do when I think I'm dreaming!" Spike smiled and hugged his daughter to him as best he could without hurting her. Trinity yawned again. "Daddy, can we go home?" Spike smiled, and nodded. His eyes widened in realization. They couldn't go home. The house was burned down when they were attacked. Angel knew and looked at them both.

"You can stay at Wolfram and Hart for as long as you would like." Spike smiled at Angel.

"Thank you." Spike stood up and carried Trinity out of TCI with Angel and headed toward the bus stop.

When they got back he laid an already sleeping Trinity onto a queen sized bed and lay down beside her, and quickly fell asleep.

TBC.... Was it a dream... was it not a dream.... tell me what you think! Plz R&R


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